Sitting in the Uncomfortable
3 minute read
We’ve all experienced moments of discomfort, whether it’s asking for a raise, giving critical feedback, or tackling a challenging conversation. As an HR professional with over a decade of experience, I’ve learned that enduring these moments of unease can lead to remarkable outcomes. The key? Embracing and sitting in the uncomfortable.
Why Sitting in the Uncomfortable Matters
The Art of Silence in Negotiations
One of the most potent tools in any negotiation is the ability to sit in silence. For example, when asking for a raise, it’s crucial to state your intention and desired outcome clearly and then pause. Resist the urge to fill the silence with more words. This pause demonstrates confidence and allows the other person time to process your request. If you can’t sit in the uncomfortable silence, you risk over-explaining or undermining your position, which can make you appear less confident and diminish your negotiating power.
Giving Effective Feedback
When delivering feedback, whether it’s positive or constructive, clarity and brevity are essential. State your expectations, describe what you’re noticing, and ask for the other person’s perspective on the gap. Then, stop talking and wait. By giving the other person space to respond, you prevent yourself from diluting the importance of your feedback. If you continue speaking, you might unintentionally soften the impact of your message or give room for misunderstandings.
Personal Experience with Sitting in the Uncomfortable
I’ve experienced the power of sitting in the uncomfortable many times in my career. For instance, when I once had to address a performance issue with a team member, I initially struggled with the discomfort of pausing after presenting the issue. However, when I embraced the silence, the conversation became more productive, and the team member felt more involved in finding a solution.
In another instance, during a salary negotiation, I used the silence effectively. After presenting the raise request, I waited. The quiet allowed the other party to fully consider the request and respond thoughtfully, leading to a successful outcome.
How to Master Sitting in the Uncomfortable
Practice Patience: The discomfort of silence is temporary but powerful. To get comfortable with it, practice counting to ten in your head or focus on your breathing. These simple techniques can help you manage the discomfort and maintain your composure.
Stay Grounded: If you feel the urge to fill the silence, try grounding yourself with a subtle physical action, like wiggling your toes or taking a deep breath. This can help you stay calm and present.
Prepare Mentally: Before entering a difficult conversation, mentally rehearse your key points and prepare yourself to remain silent. This preparation can boost your confidence and help you endure the uncomfortable moments.
Embrace the Power of Uncertainty: Recognize that discomfort often signals growth and opportunity. By sitting with it, you’re opening the door to deeper understanding and better outcomes.
Sitting in the uncomfortable is a crucial skill that can significantly impact your professional interactions. Whether you’re negotiating a raise, delivering feedback, or tackling any challenging conversation, embracing the discomfort can lead to better results and demonstrate your confidence. Practice staying present and grounded, and you’ll find that the magic on the other side of discomfort is well worth the effort.
Remember, discomfort is not a barrier but a gateway to growth and success. Embrace it, and let it guide you to new heights in your career.
