Uncomfortable Conversations

2 minute read

We’ve all been there. All of a sudden a situation goes awry and you’re faced with the reality that you’re going to have to have to confront the issue and it's going to be… uncomfortable. Instead of avoiding the situation as long as possible, hoping it will resolve on its own (spoiler alert: it won’t), follow these four simple steps to turn awkward conversations into opportunities for positive change.

Step 1: Observation

Noticing a consistent issue, like missing deadlines? Start by calmly observing the situation.

Example: I've noticed that deadlines aren't being met consistently.

Step 2: Expectation

Clearly communicate expectations.

Example: The expectation is that deadlines are met and that you are communicating in advance when you need assistance or a deadline becomes difficult to meet. 

Step 3: Question

Encourage open communication.

Example: Can you help me understand what is going on?

Step 4: Stop Talking

The hardest part – pause and let the other person speak. Count to 10 slowly -  say nothing. This silence often prompts people to share more than you might expect.

Real-Life Example:

"This was the best piece of leadership advice I've ever been given," said a friend after applying these steps with a struggling team member. His performance had dipped so dramatically in recent months that she suspected he had a second job. As she was stewing in frustration and preparing to confront him, I asked her to take a minute and consider an alternative. What if we made a generous assumption and went through these four steps with him instead.

To her amazement, once she went through this framework, her team member acknowledged his poor performance and opened up to her about going through a very rough time in his personal life which was affecting the way he showed up to work. He did not, in fact, have a second job, but was having a hard time connecting to his work. Instead of having a confrontation about the possibility of working two jobs, they were now discussing how she could best support him at work and how they could move forward together. 

Using this framework allows you to get to the root of an issue and create solutions that solve the real problem, instead of trying to solve the problem you assume. 

Handling uncomfortable conversations goes beyond just managing the situation; it's about creating a safe space for honest communication. Imagine the impactful conversations you can have using this framework – at work and at home! 

Need help with a difficult conversation? Let us help you! Download our FREE Difficult Conversations Guide for practical navigation strategies.