Thanks for the Feedback
3 minute read
“Your presentation was great and you highlighted some very strong points. However, you trailed off on your sentences which made it sound like you didn’t believe in what you were talking about. Because you didn’t sound like you believed in what you were talking about, I didn’t believe it either. You are better than that.”
This was the most recent piece of feedback I received that stopped me in my tracks. First, I was embarrassed. I knew my delivery wasn’t my best work but it was even more mortifying to realize that others noticed it as well. It felt like leaving the house on a bad hair day, hoping nobody would notice, only to find out it was worse than I thought.
At that moment, I had two choices: I could thank them for their feedback and try to leave the situation as quickly as possible (my immediate instinct), or I could recognize it as a valuable learning experience and get curious. Despite my intense urge to run away, I sat with the feedback, allowed myself to feel uncomfortable, and asked some clarifying questions. Here’s what I did:
Showed Appreciation: “Thank you for the feedback, I appreciate you sharing this with me.”
Asked Clarifying Questions: “Can you tell me more specifically what you noticed about my delivery and what you wished I would have done to come across more confidently?”
Repeated My Thanks: “Thank you again for sharing this with me. I will take this into consideration moving forward and am grateful you took the time to bring this to my attention.”
After leaving their office, I was still disappointed in myself, but no longer embarrassed. Why? Because I felt thankful to have someone in my professional life who cared enough to share what they believed to be important feedback, with the sole purpose of setting me up for success. What a gift!
Why was this feedback so impactful:
Trust: It was given by someone who I genuinely believe has my best interests in mind.
Respect: I look up to them as a mentor and have learned a lot from them in the past.
Immediacy: They pulled me aside directly after the presentation to share their observations.
Usefulness: They not only gave feedback but also offered suggestions on how to improve in the future.
Clarity: They didn’t dance around the subject and the feedback wasn’t sandwiched between two compliments. It was clear and direct.
The truth is, most people are so uncomfortable giving feedback, even if they are sure it would be useful to the recipient. However, giving feedback is one of the kindest things you can do for a person. The key is in the delivery. When you are on the receiving end, it’s important to remember that well-delivered feedback is about your impact, not your character. Although it can be uncomfortable, if you get curious about your feedback, you might be surprised by what you can learn!
Recommended Reading:
For those giving feedback: Brené Brown’s book Dare to Lead, specifically her Engaged Feedback Checklist.
For those receiving feedback: Thanks For The Feedback, by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen.
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