Don’t Take it Personally

2 minute read

I can count the number of times I've cried at work, in front of my boss, on one hand—maybe even on one finger. I was put in an extremely difficult situation where I had to make a decision that went against everything I stood for. Before I could check in with my face, tears were streaming down faster than I could catch them. 

Crying at work isn't inherently bad, but as a woman in a leadership position, typically surrounded by men, I try to keep my emotions in check. In this scenario, however, it was unavoidable. Any answer to the question posed to me would result in a deeply disappointing situation, bypassing my usual steps and creating a scenario that would leave me not only dismayed but also ashamed as a leader. It tested my self-perception and values. For me, the tears weren't about the question itself, but about the challenge to my integrity as a leader.

A few seconds after my tears made their unwelcome appearance, I was told “This is business, it’s not personal”. This infuriated me. While I maintain strict boundaries between personal and professional life, good leadership requires an understanding that business IS personal. It affects real people with real lives. I recently re-read Radical Candor by Kim Scott and on page 14 she says “Eliminate the phrase ‘don’t take it personally’ from your vocabulary - it’s insulting.” 

One of the fundamental pillars of great leadership is recognizing that work is personal for people. While it’s understandable and sometimes necessary for businesses to make tough decisions, it's crucial to remember that these decisions affect people personally. How you treat and care for those people speaks volumes about your culture and leadership. 

Have you ever been told not to take it personally at work? Let us know!